Parking

Part of the TechBroSF financial genius method is to simply claim things that don't even belong to you. Rudy Rucker of MonkeyBrains is showing how this can be done by trying to take over a neighboring lot of land that has been used for a silly community garden. Instead, Rudy is taking it over to turn the potential community park into a private parking lot, without owning the land. Brilliant!!

And note, this is not Rudy Rucker Jr, the famous writer. This is his son, Rudy Rucker Jr Jr the SF techBro extraordinaire.

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How to Succeed at Converting Space to A Private Parking Area

Key TechBroSf tactics are physical intimidation, lying, claiming to be the victim, and going against government rules. Randy Rucker demonstrates these tactics perfectly, as CEO of a tech company should.

Physical Intimidation

First step is physical intimidation. Initiating violence certainly works well. In the video below you can see Reggie initiating things by hitting the phone out of the hand of one of those pesky community garden people. Though in the future Randy should of course physically attack the opposition before they start filming, to avoid incriminating evidence. But Randy did it right by attacking someone who is much physically smaller than he is, a wise move. And lastly, and make sure you yell something like "we're not going to discuss it" as you attack. This clarifies that you are only going to use physical intimidation and never resort to "discussing" things.

(click on video to pause it, type 'm' to unmute)

In case you are wondering if Ronald truly hit the phone out of the community garden person's hand, here is the continuation of the video as the phone continued to record from the ground.

Lying

Never underestimate the TechBroSF method of lying yourself out of a situation. Rucker and his partner at MonkeyBrains simply claimed that the structure they were building was simply a planter box. Sure it is an obvious mold for pouring concrete, but hey, when you lie then reporters will actually publish that lie. Here is a picture of the "planter box" the day of the incident:

The "planter box"

And here is the "planter box" two days later on 5/25/23, with some interesting looking plants that happen to look just like poured concrete:

Concrete plants?

Taking what isn't yours - Be bold!!

Never let a little thing like ownership get in the way. Rudy has done an excellent job of claiming that the property beyond the warehouse is his. After all, the back "patio" of the warehouse extends about 20' past the warehouse property line and is in separate Parcel 36. So yes, the patio was put in illegally on the neighboring property! But the whole point of the techBroSF ethos is Go Big, or Go Home! And Rudy Jr Jr's amazing claim of someone else's property has received the techBroSF bold lie of the year award. To show you why it received the reward we need to show you how bold the lie really is, contradicting all property laws. Huzzah!

The satellite map below shows the MonkeyBrain's warehouse, outlined in blue. The border of Parcel 36, also known as the Mission Greenway, is shown by the green line. The illegal patio and illegal parking is clearly in Parcel 36, not in the MonkeyBrain's property. The concrete that was poured, pictured above, is also clearly outside of the warehouse property and therefore in Parcel 36.

Hey, the "Patio" and "Parking" are in Parcel 36, not within the MonkeyBrains property.

But to be a truly bold lie worth exalting we are going to show you the property records. We will look at the property lines at https://sfplanninggis.org/pim, zoom in around the MonkeyBrains warehouse, and then click on the warehouse. You see the following detailed information below. The warehouse is on two properties, 3639029 and 3639030. Note how the property lines for the northern one, 3639030, are just around the building and no further. Anything east of the building is in the separate Parcel 36.

Property lines for 3639030

The property lines for the 2nd property 3639029 also go just around the perimeter of the warehouse, and no further.

Property lines for 3639029

Well, that certainly shows the property lines of the MonkeyBrains property quite clearly. But just to absolutely crush things here, from the same SF Planning Department website, are the legal boundaries of the separate Parcel 36, which is Block/Lot 3639/036, which is where the illegal patio and parking are.

Property lines for Parcel 36 (36390036)

But wait, to be a truly bold lie it must not just be true now but also in the past.

If you don't appreciate these fancy online maps you can also check out the current Assessors Block Map at https://sfplanninggis.org/BlockBooks/AssessorBlock3639.pdf

Current Assessor Map for Block 3639

Block Map from 1980 https://sfplanninggis.s3.amazonaws.com/BlockBookMaps/new/3639_2.pdf

Block Map from 1980

And here is the most recent map from 1960, which is just a few years after the building was built in 1953. https://sfplanninggis.s3.amazonaws.com/BlockBookMaps/1960-65/1960-65_Blocks%203630-3799%20Vol%2026%20(ID%201229358).pdf

Block Map from 1960-1965

The following zoomed in view shows that exact dimensions of the property: 127.143 feet on north side and 87.368 feet, which exactly match the dimensions of the building. This clearly indicates that the building covers the entire lots and that anything beyond the building is in the separate Parcel 36.

Closeup of map from 1960-1965

Or you can look even further back on this Department City Planning Map from 1935 https://sfplanninggis.s3.amazonaws.com/BlockBookMaps/1935/1935_Blocks%203627-3746%20Vol%2025%20(ID%201229244).pdf . One interesting thing is that the current warehouse itself actually extends past the property lines from 1935. Prior shenanigans!

Department City Planning Map from 1935

Detail of Department City Planning Map from 1935

Claiming to be the victim

There is nothing as sad as a TechBro in need. Though you might have excelled in physical intimidation and lying, things might not always go your way. Then simply claim to be the victim. Of course this might seem like an absurd tactic at first, especially if your opposition is a fraction of your size, but simply provide out of context photos to show that you were the innocent victim of an attack, even if you were the initiator. And don't let people know that you were threatening two different woman not just one. That would make you look bad.

Going against government rules

You need to first understand a bit of history. The lot of land in question is not owned by Rudy/MonkeyBrains. There is a long history behind this lot. In short, ownership is unknown and the city needs to declare eminent domain on it to settle this matter. In the meantime it has been used as a community garden and illegal parking. MonkeyBrains recently bought a warehouse, where artists used to live, abutting the Greenway. Now they are trying to kick out the gardeners and use the space for free parking. Taking over property that doesn't belong to you is a great way to spite those pesky government rules!

And don't worry about things looking ridiculous, like where you already have secure parking within the building, with giant rollup doors. This was after all previously a company that built furniture so of course needed truck access. You should always claim that you desperately need something even if it is obviously untrue.

MonkeyBrains building with giant doors for parking.

And don't worry about rules and all. Rudy Jr Jr needed to construct a new fence on the property he didn't own, so that he could keep out those community gardeners. He applied and received a construction permit by lying to the city. Claimed that he had a "prescriptive easement" on the property, but the city explicitly said there is no such easement.

From a MissionLocal article on the appeal hearing on the fence building permit the Department of Building Inspection is crystal clear:

DBI’s chief inspector, Matthew Greene, concurred. Greene added that the department does not recognize prescriptive easements and would only consider written easements, such as those in a deed or issued in a court order.

Also, they used the wrong address for the permit. Therefore the building permit was later denied upon appeal. Damn government, but you have to give credit to Rudy Jr Jr for trying.

Fake building permit rejected

And a bit more about the "prescriptive easement" Rudy Jr Jr claimed. This is true TechBroSF brilliance! Rudy stated that the warehouse has a loading dock on the Parcel 36 Mission Greenway that had always been used for unloading trucks. Trucks??!? Of course it is clear that the loading docks were for freight train shipments, not for trucks. The whole reason the odd shaped parcel without a clear owner exists was for the train line that went through there. And the loading docks on the MonkeyBrains warehouse were built specifically for the freight trains. And of course this land was never ever intended for parking as Rudy claimed. But lying to try to sneak by those pesky government rules almost worked (except for the pesky gardeners) so always should be attempted!